NBA Franchises As TV Shows, Redux

A loooooong time ago I did a piece comparing NBA franchises to TV shows. Well, time to revisit that. A lot’s changed in the NBA since that piece was written, so only appropriate that teams are recognized for what they are, today.

The San Antonio Spurs – The NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams
Everybody says it’s an awesome show, and it definitely gets the job done. However, it’s difficult stay awake for the duration of a single broadcast.

The New York Knicks – Tru Calling
Our intrepid hero works all day long with corpses that speak. Soon-to-be-axed…

The Miami Heat – Temptation Island
(with Shaquille O’Neal as ‘the boyfriend’, and the team as ‘the girlfriend’).
So the couple arrive and begin the show together, and everything seems to be hunky-dory. They pledge undying love for each other in a tropical location and mouth platitudes about how nothing could tear them asunder. We like him, he’s a good guy. And she’s nice too… but by the end of the show he’s pouting and complaining, then leaves her for a better proposition – and we can’t help but think that in reality, she’s better off without him.
Amazing to think that 2 years ago, this was your NBA champion people.

The Los Angeles Lakers – Dexter
A quirky story that just seems to gel together so nicely. Characters that are just perfect for the show, and an excellent supporting cast for Dexter – a guy whose handsome, smiling face is a mere façade for a cold-blooded killer. Whilst cheering him on to ‘get the bad guy’, you’d do well to remember that the central character of this show is an absolute psychotic nutjob, for all his smiles and graces.

The Boston Celtics – ER
Damn good central characters, but the supporting cast just seems a bit weak. Even so, is a must-watch affair as direction is excellent, and the leads of this drama are just too good to turn off. Story-line’s generally a gem too. Has the overall talent to run away with an Emmy or two, just wish the talent around the main characters was better.

The Chicago Bulls – Survivor
One-by-one, contestants are eliminated.
Who can forget the plucky lil’ Scotty Skiles? Or that smilin’ hunk that everyone loved – Big Ben? Or that goofy guy with the crazy hair (ol’ what’s-‘is-name)?
By the end, we end up hating pretty much all of them.

The Dallas Mavericks – The CBS Evening News with Katie Couric
Just desperately wants to be the NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams.

The Cleveland Cavaliers – American Idol
End premise is to end up with one really good singer. Add in a mixture of anywhere from mediocre to bad talent around that good singer, and just hope that it all works out. Sometimes good viewing, sometimes so bad that you can’t turn away. But at the end of the day it’s not going to compete with the TV classics.

Phoenix Suns – Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?
Started out well, and seemed like a good idea at the time. But, the more people saw it the less they liked it.

(A definite nod goes out to Doug from On 205th for his input and editorial on this piece…!)

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Paging Doctor Phil?

Had this passed along to me, and was supposedly found lying on the footpath outside a famous sporting arena in downtown LA… make of it what you will! (note: edited out the not-so-friendly words out with a sharpie)

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Sports thoughts with malice

Ok – sports. Let’s talk.

• The Knicks continue to do what they are best at – imploding. It almost seems like just when you thought that they’d hit the lowest they can go – with the sexual misconduct trial of Isiah – then they do this.
  God they’re great.
  Who here isn’t hoping that yes, Isiah & Starbury have yet another falling out, and Steph actually makes good on his threat to ‘tell all’ on Isiah? If you wrote a script like this, people wouldn’t believe it…
  I for one just cannot look away…
• What was the over/under on either Yao or Kobe Lite T-Mac going down inside 10 games? Would’ve had to been short odds. I’m betting that if Rick Adelman had to make a choice on who gets injured of those two, he’s glad it wasn’t the Ming dynasty.
• Did anyone read Adrian Wojnarowski’s column on Portland today? Ummm… HELLO ADRIAN – they’re only .500!
• The Lakers… hell, they are surprising me. They’re playing pretty good – GASP – team-oriented basketball, and Kobe’s the assists leader! Go figure… and the destination of choice – the Bulls – continue to amaze and defy the laws of the universe, managing to both suck & blow at the same time. How long before Kobe recants?
• More drama with A-Rod to follow – is Scott Boras to be the casualty in A-Rod heading back to the Yanks with cap in hand for a paltry $275 mil over 10 years? Nothing signed as yet, but all the signals are pointing that way…
  What a schmuck. Boras has only ever done what A-Rod has wanted, and now that it looks like Alex may not get the money he wants, he heads back to New York… maybe Scott Boras getting dumped in the process. Not that I’m a fan of Boras… just that I don’t think that A-Rod’s been a model of propriety either.
• There’s a real growing movement that thinks that Kansas deserves a shot at the BCS. I’m not a huge college football fan – I like watching it but I share no particular affiliation – but who have they played? To this point, no-one. Surely strength of schedule has to be taken into account? NEWSFLASH!!! It is folks, and I remain doubtful as to whether Kansas make the top 2 in the nation.
• Ricky Williams is back, declaring himself a new man, putting the green into his past.
  Well… I’ll believe that when he can go a season or two without getting busted again, but he’s not a malicious guy, nor is he a problem in the locker room per se… and given I’m a Dolphin fan – my team SUCKS royally.
  The only back of note is injured, so… give ol’ Rickster a shot.
  What’s the worse that could happen?
  They continue to suck?
• The thing about a lot of the kids guys in the NBA now is that 20 years ago, they’d still be in college. So, that “lurning kerv” is occurring within the NBA… which means that teams with a predominance of young players are going to go through periods of major difficulty… hopefully to bloom later. The Atlanta Hawks appear to be going through just that, and I hope that they turn the corner and actually become a legitimate franchise again. Wait… again? Were they ever?
  Just kidding… kinda.

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Yapping with malice on the NBA

Yuh-huh… some interesting games today (well… at the time of writing it was ‘earlier today’ for me).

• It’s funny, because the loss to the New Orleans doesn’t upset me as much as I thought it would, for the vast majority of the game it was a helluva lot closer than the end 14 point margin suggests. To win, Peja Stojakovic hit a Hornets’ record 10 3 pointers, and Chris Paul dished out a record 21 assists. The New Orleans guys played a pretty awesome game.
  Add to that… I get the feeling that this Lakers roster may be a lil’ bit better than first anticipated. Ronny Turiaf is really playing well – on current form when Lamar Odom returns (probably this Friday), Turiaf should continue to start, running Odom off the bench initially. Kobe also shared the ball a lot (7 assists), and Bynum had 13 rebounds. Not celebrating, but there are signs there of ‘life’.
• How ’bout them Bulls?
  Must admit, for a good while there just prior to the beginning of the season, I was pretty sure that they were gonna trade Kobe. To Chicago. I’m guessing a lot of the fan-base wish at the moment that they’d pulled that trigger… wrote a piece on it over at Epic – HORRI-BULL (clichéd title, I know). I don’t think that the Bulls’ll end up too badly… but I also think that some folks had unreasonable goals set for them.
  Whilst we’re on that game, the Clips are surprising me somewhat. No Brand, yet they’ve come out firing – I thought they were bound for suck-dom.
• Two other teams that have surprised me thus far are the Bucks & the Knicks. The Bucks beating Toronto – I’m really happy for ’em. Andrew Bogut being an Aussie afterall, and it’s hard to not wish a guy like Michael Redd success. And how about Yi, huh? That’s a 25 year old, 19 year old… ummm… guy who can actually play, despite his pre-season.
  But the New York Knicks… that’s one franchise I really wish disaster of biblical proportions upon. Maybe then Isiah’d be finally gone, never to return to basketball.
• Kobe Lite T-Mac was average, but Yao & Bonzi Wells carried the day in the first Battle of Texas. Chalk one up to the Rockets over the Spurs.

One game on tomorrow that really lights up the radar – Boston hosts the Denver Nuggets. Boston have looked the goods, but the Nugs match up pretty well against Boston. They have the defense to hold the C’s, and Boston don’t have anyone that can guard AI. Should be a ripper.

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